Tightening the Reins

In various dioceses throughout the country, legislation has arisen which directly affects the situation of cohabitating unmarried couples. Some places are requiring that couples live apart during the six months prior to the wedding. They are enforcing this by refusing dispensations to mixed marriages in this situation and by disciplining priests who have been careless. Another diocese has made the compromise that since Catholics would not be able to legitimately and validly get married in any other forum without ecclesiastical approval, that they could be married, but, not in a public setting. Thus, the wedding party would be reduced to parents, the priest, and two witnesses, perhaps in a room of the rectory. There would be no big ceremony, no flowers, no organ, no procession, etc. Certainly, this would let people know that the Church meant to uphold doctrine while displaying compassion. In my preparation of couples I have urged a period of separation prior to marriage to enhance the marital experience, to give them a special time for prayer and reflection, and to show that they at least respect the authority of the Church. It is not "alright" to live together before marriage; it is something which should incur guilt and shame. The Church needs to be careful that it does nothing which seems to reward such forbidden activity.

To some ears, even this compromise might seem severe. However, this merely elucidates the depth to which the Christian conscience and moral behavior have fallen. Catholics who engage in fornication, and that is the appropriate biblical term for this sin, commit an objectively serious sin even if their culpability is lessened by an erroneously formed conscience which devalues the grievous nature of certain actions. As for dissent, it is most irresponsible to do so while not being familiar with the sources of Christian doctrine in this regard and earnestly seeking assent to the teachings. Many people have allowed their peers and society to influence them more than the Gospel message. To ask for a wedding in a church setting rather than in a strictly civil one should commit a person to putting Christ and his family of faith above all other allegiances. If not, then they should probably reconsider what they want. Part of the dilemma is that many Catholics have allowed their catechism to be taught from incompetent and naive misrepresentations in the news media or by figures who would purposely and selectively bias them against their religion. How many people who have disagreed with the Church on matters like artificial contraception, abortion, homosexuality, premarital sex, divorce, test-tube babies, etc. have ever read what the Church itself has to say about these matters? How many have ever dialogued with their priest about them? The number is surprisingly small.